One of the biggest problems with being ahead of the baby game is that I feel like I’m going to drift away from many of my friends when I’m pregnant (let alone when I actually have a baby to look after).
There’s the ‘going out’ type friends to worry about first. I won’t be able to drink. I might be tired and want to go home early! I might feel sick all the time. I’ll probably want to be snuggled up at home talking about nursery decor. So basically the friends I tend to do that with will be pretty bored of me.
Then there’s the ‘active stuff’ type friends – the people I might play tennis with, or go to Center Parc with, or (using this weekend as an example!) go segwaying with! I’ll be able to carry on with some of those things at first, but not all the way through.
Then there’s the coupley friends – they’ll be my best bet, but even so they’re probably not going to want to talk babies all the time. Lots of them are getting married so i suppose we could swap one-track-mindedness.
This is at the heart of my problem, really. I don’t have anyone that’s at the same stage as me and will want to talk about what colour to paint the baby’s bedroom.
I talked to my Mum about this and she says you make lots of new friends when you have a baby – but I’m not really worried about that. I’m sure that I’ll meet lots of other Mums at buggy fit, and baby groups, and things of that kind. It’s when I’m pregnant that I think I’m going to be a hermit. I kind of already feel like I’m nesting – I want to be with my husband at home. I’m quite a home girl I suppose anyway, but it seems like that drive to be with him is even stronger than normal. It must be my biological clock.
So should I cultivate pregnant friends? Do you tend to meet people at ante-natal classes? NetMums do a great job of encouraging people to make the most of their pregnancy to meet like-minded people: http://www.netmums.com/pregnancy/early-pregnancy/making-new-friends. They even have a ‘Meet a Mum’ board where you can arrange to meet up with another Mum or Mum-to-be from your local area. It’ great, but it all just feels a bit like a dating website, and I’ve never been keen on those. I want to have more in common with my friends than just being pregnant. (Like I’d want to have more in common with a man than just ‘wanting a partner’.)
So maybe in fact what I need to do is stop worrying about making pregnant friends, and start thinking about how things will change with my current friends when I’m pregnant, and how I can make that work. Maybe I need to have people over to my house more often – get into the habit of having people over for dinner or a BBQ or tea and cake. Those are things I’ll be able to carry on doing throughout pregnancy and having a tiny baby around.
Plus I could stay active by taking up some activities that are pregnancy-friendly but that will mean I meet lots of new people with more than babies in common. I’ve been thinking of starting archery again for ages – I used to do it at University, and it’s how my husband and I met. Maybe this is the time to get involved in something fun and active like that, that’s doable with a baby on the way or in tow!
I need to remember that change is good. I’m ready for so much of the baby adventure – this is just one more life change that I’m choosing. It could give me a whole new circle of people to enjoy being with. (My positive thinking hat is now firmly on.)